Friday, 19 June 2009

Six Degrees of Gerard McKeown

I was out at the cinema the other night with my girlfriend watching Last Chance Harvey (the new Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson film, pretty good so it is) and it occured to me for the first time in the past two years (the time since it came to be) that I actually have six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

See two years ago I was in a UTV production called Agnes Jones which starred Bronagh Gallagher. Here it is. I come in around the 4:45 mark. Blink and you'll miss me (but you can also bite me).

Bronagh Gallagher was in Pulp Fiction with John Travolta

John Travolta was in the remake of Hairspray with Michelle Pfeiffer

Michelle Pfeiffer was in Scarface with Al Pacino

Al Pacino is in Heat with Robert DeNiro

Robert De Niro is in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon.

Anyone who wants to bite me, please do.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Poetry on the Bus

So I was on the bus from Ballymena today and there was this spide that sat down opposite me in the seat. I was writing away in my notepad and he asks me if I want to play him at Xes and Ozes. So I said no (because I didn't). He asks me if he can have a piece of paper anyway. I ripped him out a sheet and gave him a spare pen and he went and played a game with the guy behind him.

He asks me what I'm writing.
"Poetry," I say. Maybe not the wisest thing to say to a bus with a lot of spides on it but let's face it, poetry is cool!
"Can I read it?" he asks.
"No," I answer.

That was the end of that. For about five minutes anyway until he came along and read me a poem he'd written:

"There was a boy on the bus,
he lent me a pen without a fuss,
I challenged him to a game,
but he said no, I will refrain,
but do not worry and do not fret
here's some paper and a pen pet.

Then he starts talking to the couple behind me. He then writes a poem about them. Again it rhymed, but it was a good piece. So then he asked again to read mine. How could I say no after him letting me read his own work? Now a lot of the stuff in my book at the minute is a load of crap about how I'm stressed out with work and finding somewhere new to live and snippets about my girlfriend that aren't good enough (or as good as I'd like them to be), even though no one on this bus knows who I am, I have a reputation to consider so there's going to be no reading of these.

I have a quick hoak and what do I find, none other than The Beautiful Goth! I give it to him and he starts reading it out. He only gets a few lines in before he finds the faux depth and flowerly lines to be too cack to continue. So as he gives up I finish it off to thunderous applause from the back of the bus (well the back few rows anyway). But it was a class poetry time had by all. Why can't it happen more often?

Anyway here's The Beautiful Goth if you're wondering:

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

I Remember Dawson's Creek

I was going to do this blog all about various aspects of pop culture that clutter my head up when I should be thinking of "deeper" things. It seemed like an easy place to start to talk about Dawson's Creek. There's one school of thought that if you lived in Dawson's Creek, Pacey would have been the only one you'd have gotten on with. I however believe this isn't so. So to disprove this I went on youtube looking for the clip where Pacey names his boat "True Love", because let's face it, it's a very empty barrell you're scrapping the bottom of if you want to hang around with a guy who names his boat "True Love". Asshole.
Let's imagine you're at the boat launch. Pacey saunters up with the rest of the witless asshole gang. Dawson's there with his big oompah loompah head babbling on about some pish movie and how it reflects on the essence of everything his life has been leading up to til this point or some other vague pish that's designed to keep the hard on he doesn't know how to use yet at bay. Asshole. Joey's there wittering on about Xanu or some other bag of balls and Jen's there, well doing nothing, because they never really figured out how to give Michelle Williams something decent to do. Oh and Jack's there, being gay, because they never figured out how to develop his character either.
So you're there and your mate Pacey smashes a bottle of champagne over his boat and says "I name this boat True Love" and gives a half assed look of dejection at whatever Dawson's Creek lady he couldn't get it together with. And you're there trying to find someone in the crowd to share a "what an asshole?" look with. All you can find, however, is the rest of the Dawson's Creek gang beaming with pride and love at Pacey and his badly named boat.
You see, Pacey seems vaguely alright when you only see him for an hour a week, but if you were round the guy all the time you'd see him for what he really is.
It's at that point you realise that you're an asshole too because you've been spending time wondering what it would be like living on Dawson's Creek. Asshole.
Anyways, yeah I found the episode and here's the bit where they name the boat but I'd really forgotten what a moaning heap of shit it really is. Everyone there just loves being a wanker, they roll around in it all gleeful at what a load of balls they've just said.

How the fuck I made it through one episode now escapes me but there was a time that the Dawson's Creek gang were like old friends, albeit friends I was glad to have because it made me feel superior during those long dark hours of "teenage life".