The other night I was trying to find the song Here Comes A Regular by The Replacements on youtube so I could show it to my girlfriend. As per usual on youtube I came face to face with craply recorded live versions and assholes (you are fucking assholes) in their bedroom doing shit covers (This is an emotional song and involved a lot of people giving birth/struggling with constipation/emotionally battered but resiliant).
I eventually found the song as it had been used in the TV Show One Tree Hill. One Tree Hill started around the same time as The OC and was temporarily overshadowed by its cool Seth Cohen witicisms and my ex-Rachel Bilson. But as The OC lost it's way and turned pish One Tree Hill kept chugging along like the little engine who could and burned brightly like a mighty log on the fire of television while The OC exploded wildly like a hallowe'en firework that shot up into the air in a beautiful display before crashing back to earth in the next door neighbours garden and setting their shed on fire (it got cancelled after a few seasons).
Anyways I've never really followed One Tree Hill. I know most of the main characters names and roughly what sort of people they are (at least within the context of the show, I don't know what they're like when they're off doing other stuff). I vaguely followed it when the guy shot his brother because he had gotten the first brother's high school sweetheart pregnant and tried to pretend it was a highschool kid on the rampage what did it but then he was found out by his sons (his illegitimate one and official one) and they made sure he rotted in jail for being a no good piece of slime. That aside I really don't have much of a clue about it.
I didn't know what to expect when I decided to risk showing this snippet to my girlfriend. I asked my girlfriend to listen to the song rather than watch the moving pictures (some bird in the show dying). I might have exposed myself to a massive ass whoopin (in a metaphorical sense) if it had not been that we were both surprised that after finding Ellie (who?) dead the American girl (Payton, Cocoa Butter or some other essential oil of a name) starts waffling on in French. (She must have liked her and now be traumatised). Though if you are traumatised what better song to listen to than Here Comes A Regular by The Replacements. Enjoy! (The song, not one tree hill).
Monday, 28 September 2009
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
The Adventures of Boring Tom - Part Three
One day Boring Tom was at the bus stop.
"Does this bus go to Lurgan?" Boring Tom asked.
"No," said the person at the bus stop.
"Good," said Boring Tom. "I don't want to go to Lurgan. Too many "wild boys" there".
Using his fingers hadn't produced the reaction he'd hoped for, but he wouldn't give up hope. Someday someone would get it.
Boring Tom by Gerard McKeown (words) and Ryan O'Neill (art)
"Does this bus go to Lurgan?" Boring Tom asked.
"No," said the person at the bus stop.
"Good," said Boring Tom. "I don't want to go to Lurgan. Too many "wild boys" there".
Using his fingers hadn't produced the reaction he'd hoped for, but he wouldn't give up hope. Someday someone would get it.
Boring Tom by Gerard McKeown (words) and Ryan O'Neill (art)
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Helping out a Tranny Tramp
Me and my sweet honey pie today went with some wee bits and pieces she wanted rid of to a charity shop. Only problem was every one we went to was closed. Not letting that beat us me and my little honey pie went and left the stuff in a wee sheltered bit outside one (not saying which cause we support).
We were very pleased with ourselves and gave each other a hi-5 At this point a tramp came along and asked if he too could give us a hi- 5 How could we refuse that miserable old tramp? We hung ten with the funky tramp. Then we fucked off to do other cool stuff.
When we came back we found that a suitcase full of clothes had been taken but another box was left. We thought it must have been the tramp. It was a nifty suitcase and would have made him look like a classy lad. Of course there were ladies clothes in it so maybe the randy old dude was a tranny as well as a tramp. That's cool we thought. When I used to work in charity shops trannies came in all the time (I've never worked in a charity shop but it's a vaguely amusing [if homophobic] story that makes me sound like I give a shit about muthafuckas).
Anyways we thought also he might have a lady tramp and the clothes will come in handy for presents on special occasions. This was sweet we thought. Our biggest fear was that some chump might have spotted the suitcase and thought it was a bomb (as can happen in this part of the world), and if that was the case we'd have to run from the cops.
We were very pleased with ourselves and gave each other a hi-5 At this point a tramp came along and asked if he too could give us a hi- 5 How could we refuse that miserable old tramp? We hung ten with the funky tramp. Then we fucked off to do other cool stuff.
When we came back we found that a suitcase full of clothes had been taken but another box was left. We thought it must have been the tramp. It was a nifty suitcase and would have made him look like a classy lad. Of course there were ladies clothes in it so maybe the randy old dude was a tranny as well as a tramp. That's cool we thought. When I used to work in charity shops trannies came in all the time (I've never worked in a charity shop but it's a vaguely amusing [if homophobic] story that makes me sound like I give a shit about muthafuckas).
Anyways we thought also he might have a lady tramp and the clothes will come in handy for presents on special occasions. This was sweet we thought. Our biggest fear was that some chump might have spotted the suitcase and thought it was a bomb (as can happen in this part of the world), and if that was the case we'd have to run from the cops.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
MY KICK ASS NEW DIRECTION
I'M A POET OF SOME RENOWN AND I'VE DECIDED IT'S TIME FOR ME TO CHANGE DIRECTION. FOR A LONG TIME I BEEN DOIN DAT COMEDY STUFF AND IT'S BEEN ROCKIN (LIKE THE TIME I WAS STANDING ON A TABLE WITH MY HANDS ON THE CEILING ROCKIN DAT TABLE FROM SIDE TO SIDE AS I SPAT FLY RHYMES). BUT NOW I'VE GOT TO TAKE THINGS TO A HIGHER LEVEL. TEACHING THE YOUNGER GENERATION ABOUT STUFF DEY SHOULD KNOW. I'M LEADING THE WAY. HOLD OUT YOUR TORCHES. I'M SETTIN DEM MUTHAFUCKAS ON FIRE. DIS IS MY NEW RHYME IT'S CALLED DERRY MUTHAFUCKA. AND IF PEEPS BE TALKIN TRASH (BALLS) I BE FUCKIN DEM UP. I FUCK DER ASSHOLES OUT DA FUCKIN WINDOWS ANY DAY OF DA FUCKIN WEEK
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA!!
I'M COMIN FOR YA CROWN MUTHAFUCKA!!
I BE SPITTIN RHYMES OF INTELLIGENCE!!
TALKIN ABOUT BRINGING THINGS TO ANOTHER LEVEL!!
ENGAGE WITH ME MUTHAFUCKAS!!
ENGAGE!!
I BE SHOWIN THA WAY PEOPLE BE DOIN THANGS
AND I BE SAYING BULLSHIT MUTHAFUCKAS
FIND YO SELF!!
DON'T BE ME!!
I'M ME!!
DELETE THIS IF YOU WANT I BE JUST TELLING PEOPLE
HOW TO BE WHO THEY WANT TO BE
AND NOT WHO THEY THINK THEY WANT TO BE!!
I SHOWS PEOPLE HOW TO BE INTELLEGENT [sic]
AND HOW TO SPIT RHYMES AND TELL COPS
TO LIKE YO GET YO FUCKIN' HAND OFF ME MUTHAFUCKA!!
I SPLIT YO SKULL WITH A BIG ROCK!!
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA!!
I OWN YOU NOW!!
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA!!
I'M COMIN FOR YA CROWN MUTHAFUCKA!!
I BE SPITTIN RHYMES OF INTELLIGENCE!!
TALKIN ABOUT BRINGING THINGS TO ANOTHER LEVEL!!
ENGAGE WITH ME MUTHAFUCKAS!!
ENGAGE!!
I BE SHOWIN THA WAY PEOPLE BE DOIN THANGS
AND I BE SAYING BULLSHIT MUTHAFUCKAS
FIND YO SELF!!
DON'T BE ME!!
I'M ME!!
DELETE THIS IF YOU WANT I BE JUST TELLING PEOPLE
HOW TO BE WHO THEY WANT TO BE
AND NOT WHO THEY THINK THEY WANT TO BE!!
I SHOWS PEOPLE HOW TO BE INTELLEGENT [sic]
AND HOW TO SPIT RHYMES AND TELL COPS
TO LIKE YO GET YO FUCKIN' HAND OFF ME MUTHAFUCKA!!
I SPLIT YO SKULL WITH A BIG ROCK!!
DERRY MUTHAFUCKA!!
I OWN YOU NOW!!
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
136 Dunluce Avenue - An appraisal
Last week I read in a magazine that after a break up it's good to emote. And that a study (I understand this "study" could be balls like a lot of things used to qualify an arguement) showed people who talked about break ups and why faired better in the long run both in terms of emotional and physical health.
Don't worry, me and my sweet honey pie are going strong but I've just moved into my new house and I'm now about to give an appraisal of the people who I shared living quarters with in Dunluce Avenue and why a house that I felt happy to move into turned into a house I was happy to leave.
This is a list of the people I lived with in a rough order of who was there when I moved in and who moved in after someone left, though I'm not saying who left and when or why.
Conor - Conor was a decent guy. It was him that I met when I was viewing the house. He seemed like a fun enough guy that liked things to run smoothly. This proved a fair enough character sketch. Conor was a dead on sort but he'd tell you if he'd a problem about something in a fair and reasonable way (he didn't slag people off behind their back).
Gary - Gary was happy enough as long as he could do his thing. He didn't hassle people and he liked to get pissed once in a while. Though he couldn't be relied upon to pay his internet on time or if there was tension in the house. He seemed to go with the crowd which I don't fault him for. He just wanted a place to live and keep out of the politics.
Jerome - Jerome pretty much kept himself to himself and I never really got to know him.
Claudia - Claudia and me could clash about things and at times I went from not liking her at all to thinking she was good fun. She was someone you could have an interesting chat with if you were both in the kitchen or the living room at the same time.
Lorna - I never hit it off with Lorna, we got on okay here and there but again like Gary she went with the crowd and didn't really consider the whole picture. Very bad at buying gas when it was her turn or washing her dishes.
Julie - Moved in after someone moved out. We got on well even though we were two different sort of people.
Dawn - Alright but I never got to know her.
Rodney - Very bad at paying bills and not the best conversationalist. Wouldn't have been much trouble if he hadn't been made a target by other housemates. Let's be honest - a spide (townie if you're english, ned if you're a scot).
Gemma - Two faced. Liked to be nice to people's faces and phone the landlord behind their back. Thought a whitebored [sic] was cool and a bit "friends".
Tom - A bore. No visable friends and someone who very much liked to whine and stir trouble. Turned small managable problems into big ones that needed talked about (perhaps he had nothing else to talk about). You know at the end of Glengarry Glenross when Pacino just inserts the word Asshole into the conversation he's having with Kevin Spacey? People have done this all Tom's life to Tom, and though Tom has understood that they were right to do so, it has still made him very bitter.
Gosia - Didn't really get to know Gosia, alright to talk to though she didn't wrap food up when she put it in the fridge. So it went off and you had to throw it out for her.
That's why I'm glad I've left Dunluce Avenue. Though here's a video I shot outside my bedroom door. The music is by Communist Defectors Will Be Shot
Don't worry, me and my sweet honey pie are going strong but I've just moved into my new house and I'm now about to give an appraisal of the people who I shared living quarters with in Dunluce Avenue and why a house that I felt happy to move into turned into a house I was happy to leave.
This is a list of the people I lived with in a rough order of who was there when I moved in and who moved in after someone left, though I'm not saying who left and when or why.
Conor - Conor was a decent guy. It was him that I met when I was viewing the house. He seemed like a fun enough guy that liked things to run smoothly. This proved a fair enough character sketch. Conor was a dead on sort but he'd tell you if he'd a problem about something in a fair and reasonable way (he didn't slag people off behind their back).
Gary - Gary was happy enough as long as he could do his thing. He didn't hassle people and he liked to get pissed once in a while. Though he couldn't be relied upon to pay his internet on time or if there was tension in the house. He seemed to go with the crowd which I don't fault him for. He just wanted a place to live and keep out of the politics.
Jerome - Jerome pretty much kept himself to himself and I never really got to know him.
Claudia - Claudia and me could clash about things and at times I went from not liking her at all to thinking she was good fun. She was someone you could have an interesting chat with if you were both in the kitchen or the living room at the same time.
Lorna - I never hit it off with Lorna, we got on okay here and there but again like Gary she went with the crowd and didn't really consider the whole picture. Very bad at buying gas when it was her turn or washing her dishes.
Julie - Moved in after someone moved out. We got on well even though we were two different sort of people.
Dawn - Alright but I never got to know her.
Rodney - Very bad at paying bills and not the best conversationalist. Wouldn't have been much trouble if he hadn't been made a target by other housemates. Let's be honest - a spide (townie if you're english, ned if you're a scot).
Gemma - Two faced. Liked to be nice to people's faces and phone the landlord behind their back. Thought a whitebored [sic] was cool and a bit "friends".
Tom - A bore. No visable friends and someone who very much liked to whine and stir trouble. Turned small managable problems into big ones that needed talked about (perhaps he had nothing else to talk about). You know at the end of Glengarry Glenross when Pacino just inserts the word Asshole into the conversation he's having with Kevin Spacey? People have done this all Tom's life to Tom, and though Tom has understood that they were right to do so, it has still made him very bitter.
Gosia - Didn't really get to know Gosia, alright to talk to though she didn't wrap food up when she put it in the fridge. So it went off and you had to throw it out for her.
That's why I'm glad I've left Dunluce Avenue. Though here's a video I shot outside my bedroom door. The music is by Communist Defectors Will Be Shot
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Mystery Men - A Review
It seems that my last post offended a few people. That's too bad. I won't say that they can lick my balls (because I don't allow them to) but they should spend a bit more time sorting themselves out that whinning at me.
One thing they should do is check out the film Mystery Men. Mystery Men is a very much underrated wee movie that I picked to watch because I couldn't find anything better to watch in the video shop.
Firstly you'd think with it's cast (Ben Stiller, William H.Macy, Greg Kinnear, Tom Waits to name four) that if you hadn't heard of it then it must be shit. This is a fair assumption and the film wasn't successful at the box office. Mystery Men, however, is an exception to the rule.
It's like a parody of the Watchmen (though it pre-dates it), with three superheroes with crap non-powers trying to unsuccessfully establish themselves on the superhero scene monopolised by Captain Amazing (Kinnear).
Captain Amazing is so amazing that he has run out of decent bad guys to fight and as such is losing his product endorsements (he has product badges all over his superhero costume - Pepsi gets a particularly nice wee bit of exposure but I still think it tastes like someone dropped a bar of soap in a vat of Cola).
This leads to him overseeing the release of his greatest foe Casanova Frankenstein (Geoffry Rush). Things don't go according to plan and Captain Amazing ends up Frankenstein's captive.
This clears the way for our inept superheroes to save the day but even they realise need some extra help. The scene where they try out new members of the gang looks like a typical Saturday in a comic book geek's backyard. (Pencil Head and Son of Pencil head being two who sadly don't make the grade).
Kel Mitchell deserves a mention as the superhero with the silliest power: Invisible Boy, who can only turn invisible when no one is looking at him, though he has strong competition from the rest of the cast.
It builds up to a nice fun goodies vs baddies set piece that gives some big old chuckles and we don't mind the ending being predictable at all because hey it's a parody (but not in the shit lazy way that Hollywood has become all too accustomed to producing in recent years - Wayans brothers you have a lot to answer for).
All in all this was a fun few hours spent having a few chuckles and I didn't feel deep once, thank fuck.
One thing they should do is check out the film Mystery Men. Mystery Men is a very much underrated wee movie that I picked to watch because I couldn't find anything better to watch in the video shop.
Firstly you'd think with it's cast (Ben Stiller, William H.Macy, Greg Kinnear, Tom Waits to name four) that if you hadn't heard of it then it must be shit. This is a fair assumption and the film wasn't successful at the box office. Mystery Men, however, is an exception to the rule.
It's like a parody of the Watchmen (though it pre-dates it), with three superheroes with crap non-powers trying to unsuccessfully establish themselves on the superhero scene monopolised by Captain Amazing (Kinnear).
Captain Amazing is so amazing that he has run out of decent bad guys to fight and as such is losing his product endorsements (he has product badges all over his superhero costume - Pepsi gets a particularly nice wee bit of exposure but I still think it tastes like someone dropped a bar of soap in a vat of Cola).
This leads to him overseeing the release of his greatest foe Casanova Frankenstein (Geoffry Rush). Things don't go according to plan and Captain Amazing ends up Frankenstein's captive.
This clears the way for our inept superheroes to save the day but even they realise need some extra help. The scene where they try out new members of the gang looks like a typical Saturday in a comic book geek's backyard. (Pencil Head and Son of Pencil head being two who sadly don't make the grade).
Kel Mitchell deserves a mention as the superhero with the silliest power: Invisible Boy, who can only turn invisible when no one is looking at him, though he has strong competition from the rest of the cast.
It builds up to a nice fun goodies vs baddies set piece that gives some big old chuckles and we don't mind the ending being predictable at all because hey it's a parody (but not in the shit lazy way that Hollywood has become all too accustomed to producing in recent years - Wayans brothers you have a lot to answer for).
All in all this was a fun few hours spent having a few chuckles and I didn't feel deep once, thank fuck.
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